I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason", but sometimes I do just want to shake my fists at the universe and shout..."well what the fuck was this for? Was I a toilet brush in a past life!!!"
I genuinely sympathize with anyone trying to get a solid 30h+ job in this day and age. I have a 20h a week job in a certain high street retail chain, and I love my job, but this time of year overtime is hard to get as all the uni and collage kids are out stealing it all. But my husband has been in retail and then hospitality for as long as I've known him. He's always worked 30-40h a week without question....until recently.
He was a Duty Manager at a bar in a local Hotel. Really nice people, great job, but career advancements weren't quite as fast paced as he wanted so when he was offered the role as Manager of a bar he leapt at the chance, and left his secure job to go and work for a much smaller pub, but it'd be his own place to manage, and much better pay for the hours.
He was originally hired with the pretense that he'd be replacing their current manager as she was terrible and they wanted to fire her. That didn't happen at all. Despite multiple complaints against her too. He was there for his 3 week trial, during this time the 'woman' that he was supposed to be replacing had began what we have worked out was her usual torrent of abuse to a new member of staff (this place has had more people leave than I've had hot dinners and we figure she is why) and he made a formal complaint about her after he started suffering with anxiety at just the thought of working with her. That's pretty much as far as it went. And it turned out after the 3 week trial they just wanted him as a general dogsbody. A barman. No set salary, no set working hours...Not slating barmen, it's a hard job, he's done it for years, but when you've worked your way up to manager you don't want to take that much of a step backwards, and why should you! So he left. But trying to find any job over 30 hours or that isn't a zero hour contract seems to be impossible around here. I truly think they don't realize how much it costs to run a house here in the UK. We have no savings left as we didn't have much in the first place and we used what we did have while he was transitioning over into his "new" job.
He has got himself another new job within 9 days but its only 14h a week and the pay alone wouldn't even cover one months rent. It's going to be tough. It already is tough. When you include rent, gas, electric, council tax, water rates, internet, tv licence, feeding the pets...feeding ourselves, plus debts were still paying off from years ago...it's all too much and can so easily snowball out of control. We will never, EVER be in the financial situation where we could get a mortgage or a business loan to open our own bar/pub. Our credit history is just appalling, and then in times like this when you get into arrears again it just affects it more.
We've already been arguing. Money is the ultimate stress maker. I hate it as much as I love what it can do for a person, the lack of it can royally screw up your life in a very short space of time. And I find myself getting annoyed with myself as I struggle with my various health issues, I wish I could push myself to find a job with more hours, or that my back problems and my mental health would allow me to work more hours, regularly without breaking myself. But i'm finding even doing extra overtime at the moment is making me feel broken and fragile mentally and physically. It's a terrible horrifying thought that we just exist to exchange hours of our lives to make money, to pay bills for things we don't inherently need to survive and live on this planet...yet here we are...little hamsters in our wheels turning the cogs on the industry. Our reward...4 weeks holiday a year, food money. bills to pay...and then retirement money...that you should have saved up yourself as there is no retirement/state funded pensions anymore.
I'm going to have to work until i'm dead just to be able to eat.
I do feel sometimes that if you have a disability or a mental health issue they just like to brush you off and ignore you until you break and remove yourself as a problem to them... and by "they" I mean any government body that's supposed to be there to help you financially and medically. But this is probably the defeatist in me coming out because of recent events and lack of help out there for people who have worked most of their lives who are having a bit of trouble...there is NO HELP.
I GIVE UP.
Side note; I'm also a tad proud of myself that given my list of disabilities from such a young age I do hold down a job and get up and go and do things. I know some people aren't able to do as many things as I can who suffer with similar issues and worse. So I do feel fortunate. It's just really hard sometimes to pretend to be fully functioning human being when really you're lucky your broken shell and mind can even roll you out of bed in the morning.
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Sunday, 24 July 2016
Friday, 24 January 2014
Motivational Blog Post; A bit about my life/grab life by the horns/ do it now!
If you can make it to the end it'll be worth it i promice. I'm doing this long rambling because I've just finished having a brief but heavy conversation with my Husband about his goals in life, and "getting somewhere". He had a negative response for any suggestion and this has made me realise, i wish i was eliquent enough to be a motivational speaker, because i (hope) i kicked his butt with words!
Some of you may know, if you follow me on Instagram (sway1988) or on facebook (facebook.com/kimberleycreative) that i suffer from Social Anxiety, Depression and mild agrophobia, as well as a number of medical issues including a mild scoliosis, migraines, hip issues and a heart murrmur. I'll be the first to admit in the past and sometimes even now i use them as excuses to get out of "life" things. For example if i don't want to leave the house or see/speak to anyone, i'll say i have a migraine, unless of course i do actually have a migraine then it's a bit like crying wolf. I may have promised to help someone and i've said my backs playing up, to get out of it. Harsh but true. I have done these things. But now i'm older and i'm addressing these mental and physical issues i have nothing to fall back on, and it's scary, but it's been the best thing ever. I'm now doing things with my life. If your hiding behind things too, for now it may be what you need, but dont use it forever. You need to get out there and make an effort to be a human.
If you take NO as a first and final answer you're going to get no where in life. If someone tells you, you can't do something and you let them close that door on that oppertunity and you DON'T fight to get through there, you never wanted it bad enough. If that doors closed, and you really care, you'd kick the door down, climb through a window, try the back door! Anything! And this is the same with everything, if it's fighting for someone you love, your family, your house, your job...a career...ýou scrape and claw at it until you're there. No isn't an answer, it's a momentary pause before you continue. I'm a perfect example!
My dream is to own my own Tattoo parlour. People have been telling me "no" from day one! But i'm still here trying to get to my original destination. First it was my art teacher in secondary school telling me i'm not an artist, my drawings are too "precised and technical", I do "too much research"... all of which is a GOOD thing in tattooing, she said i should "never persue a career in art"... you know what i did? I done my A-levels, and went to college to study Art and illustration, and was accepted straight away from the first page of my portfolio! My tutor loved my style and thought process. But when i finished college i wanted to go straight into a job, straight into tattooing at 18/19. But i was convinced not to by some of my family and by tutors at college, as tattooing "wasnt a real job". My ass it isn't! The tattoo industry has some of the hardest working and dedicated people you'll ever know, they put hours into their work, their art, their PASSION. And i had that passion right up until this point, when they threw a bucket of water over it. "Ÿou're too pretty to be a tattooist"- Yeah, well you're too narrow minded! That passion still burned underneath.
So instead i went to university to study Computer Game Design. It was a fantastic course, don't get me wrong, but it wasnt what i wanted. It took me two years of the course to realise, and in the end i dropped out, with half a degree and up to my eyeballs in debt. It's not a good way to start an adult life. I ended up nearly homeless at one point (with my fiance) and we had to get help from family to find ourselves a place, rented, so money down the drain, and then we had to get bog-standard boring jobs that neither of us wanted, just to get by and pay bills. I ended up in a supermarket for nearly 4 years and My other half in a large computing store. I left my job last year after my depression got too bad to function, and i only realise now that i'm getting better, that it was because i wasn't DOING anything with my life... I'd do tattoo designs for people, research local tattooists that had the right style they wanted and send them there. I'd apply to be an apprentice, get told my art was great but "they're not taking anyone on" but then i'd go in a month or so later and their "mates kid" would be working there, that's obviously great for them but i'm still stuck here with a "no". I didn't have these connections. My dad isnt a tattooist, nor is my best mate, they can't take me on! It was literaly a case of "who you know" whch is tough in a smaller town. Always a "no, sorry". And it was a "no" i'd been hearing for 5 years. Which is 5 years too long. I can't change the past, if i could i'd have gone straight into tattooing after college, but it's not worked out that way. So now i'm clawing my way down a side ally, all to eventually get to my goal of owning my own shop. I'm studying beauty part time to get myself back out into the work place, doing something i enjoy, it's not a "meaningless" job like the supermarket was. I will actually progress, get somewhere, earn the money i need to pay someone to give me the further tattooing experience i crave and need, i can even combine the two (kind of) with semi-premanent make up skills etc...
I know I'm a creative person and i need an outlet, if it' sewing, drawing, designing company logos, doing peoples make up, making them feel amazing, creating blog posts! Creating things has been the only constant in my life. I'm lucky to have support from my Husband, my mum, brother and sister etc... but the only thing that can get me anywhere is me. It took me too long to realise that, and i'm still at square one, but you know what? -I've drawn myself out a new path, worked around the obsticals and i'll get there.
This long-assed post is to tell you YOU CAN DO THE SAME.
If you're told no, exhaust every avenue. If you can't decide on something, do a list, pro's and cons, narrow it down so that you have one clear choice... everyone needs a goal. If you're lucky enough to know that goal already then go for it. Do all you can to get there. Not everyone is given the opportunities they may deserve, but you can always find another way to get there. No matter how big or small your goal is, make a plan of attack and just go for it. Life's too short to put it off for too long. If you miss your bus you'll be straned somewhere you dont want to be, so if the bus has passed, call a cab; NOW! Steal a skateboard, ride a horse majestically into the sunset! Whatever you do just go for it. So when you're old, and wrinkly and accomplished, with no "what if's" and maybe a few regrets, you can pass away peacefully and look back at your life and just think "FUCK YEAH, I DID THAT"
DO IT
NOW
RIGHT THIS SECOND!
Good luck! You know you deserve it! XxX
Some of you may know, if you follow me on Instagram (sway1988) or on facebook (facebook.com/kimberleycreative) that i suffer from Social Anxiety, Depression and mild agrophobia, as well as a number of medical issues including a mild scoliosis, migraines, hip issues and a heart murrmur. I'll be the first to admit in the past and sometimes even now i use them as excuses to get out of "life" things. For example if i don't want to leave the house or see/speak to anyone, i'll say i have a migraine, unless of course i do actually have a migraine then it's a bit like crying wolf. I may have promised to help someone and i've said my backs playing up, to get out of it. Harsh but true. I have done these things. But now i'm older and i'm addressing these mental and physical issues i have nothing to fall back on, and it's scary, but it's been the best thing ever. I'm now doing things with my life. If your hiding behind things too, for now it may be what you need, but dont use it forever. You need to get out there and make an effort to be a human.
If you take NO as a first and final answer you're going to get no where in life. If someone tells you, you can't do something and you let them close that door on that oppertunity and you DON'T fight to get through there, you never wanted it bad enough. If that doors closed, and you really care, you'd kick the door down, climb through a window, try the back door! Anything! And this is the same with everything, if it's fighting for someone you love, your family, your house, your job...a career...ýou scrape and claw at it until you're there. No isn't an answer, it's a momentary pause before you continue. I'm a perfect example!
My dream is to own my own Tattoo parlour. People have been telling me "no" from day one! But i'm still here trying to get to my original destination. First it was my art teacher in secondary school telling me i'm not an artist, my drawings are too "precised and technical", I do "too much research"... all of which is a GOOD thing in tattooing, she said i should "never persue a career in art"... you know what i did? I done my A-levels, and went to college to study Art and illustration, and was accepted straight away from the first page of my portfolio! My tutor loved my style and thought process. But when i finished college i wanted to go straight into a job, straight into tattooing at 18/19. But i was convinced not to by some of my family and by tutors at college, as tattooing "wasnt a real job". My ass it isn't! The tattoo industry has some of the hardest working and dedicated people you'll ever know, they put hours into their work, their art, their PASSION. And i had that passion right up until this point, when they threw a bucket of water over it. "Ÿou're too pretty to be a tattooist"- Yeah, well you're too narrow minded! That passion still burned underneath.
So instead i went to university to study Computer Game Design. It was a fantastic course, don't get me wrong, but it wasnt what i wanted. It took me two years of the course to realise, and in the end i dropped out, with half a degree and up to my eyeballs in debt. It's not a good way to start an adult life. I ended up nearly homeless at one point (with my fiance) and we had to get help from family to find ourselves a place, rented, so money down the drain, and then we had to get bog-standard boring jobs that neither of us wanted, just to get by and pay bills. I ended up in a supermarket for nearly 4 years and My other half in a large computing store. I left my job last year after my depression got too bad to function, and i only realise now that i'm getting better, that it was because i wasn't DOING anything with my life... I'd do tattoo designs for people, research local tattooists that had the right style they wanted and send them there. I'd apply to be an apprentice, get told my art was great but "they're not taking anyone on" but then i'd go in a month or so later and their "mates kid" would be working there, that's obviously great for them but i'm still stuck here with a "no". I didn't have these connections. My dad isnt a tattooist, nor is my best mate, they can't take me on! It was literaly a case of "who you know" whch is tough in a smaller town. Always a "no, sorry". And it was a "no" i'd been hearing for 5 years. Which is 5 years too long. I can't change the past, if i could i'd have gone straight into tattooing after college, but it's not worked out that way. So now i'm clawing my way down a side ally, all to eventually get to my goal of owning my own shop. I'm studying beauty part time to get myself back out into the work place, doing something i enjoy, it's not a "meaningless" job like the supermarket was. I will actually progress, get somewhere, earn the money i need to pay someone to give me the further tattooing experience i crave and need, i can even combine the two (kind of) with semi-premanent make up skills etc...
I know I'm a creative person and i need an outlet, if it' sewing, drawing, designing company logos, doing peoples make up, making them feel amazing, creating blog posts! Creating things has been the only constant in my life. I'm lucky to have support from my Husband, my mum, brother and sister etc... but the only thing that can get me anywhere is me. It took me too long to realise that, and i'm still at square one, but you know what? -I've drawn myself out a new path, worked around the obsticals and i'll get there.
This long-assed post is to tell you YOU CAN DO THE SAME.
If you're told no, exhaust every avenue. If you can't decide on something, do a list, pro's and cons, narrow it down so that you have one clear choice... everyone needs a goal. If you're lucky enough to know that goal already then go for it. Do all you can to get there. Not everyone is given the opportunities they may deserve, but you can always find another way to get there. No matter how big or small your goal is, make a plan of attack and just go for it. Life's too short to put it off for too long. If you miss your bus you'll be straned somewhere you dont want to be, so if the bus has passed, call a cab; NOW! Steal a skateboard, ride a horse majestically into the sunset! Whatever you do just go for it. So when you're old, and wrinkly and accomplished, with no "what if's" and maybe a few regrets, you can pass away peacefully and look back at your life and just think "FUCK YEAH, I DID THAT"
DO IT
NOW
RIGHT THIS SECOND!
Good luck! You know you deserve it! XxX
Monday, 11 November 2013
New Look OOTD and job update (or lack of)
First things first, to get the negative out of the way, I now do not work at Primark...well technically I never did. It was my induction day today but due to my lovely Anxiety, I had a panic attack, freaked out and didn't go, although I've decided this is an improvement on previous attempts to get back into work where I never even turned up for interviews before. So i'm pleased i'm taking something positive away from all of this.
Moving forward to my outfit of the day! As I ended up mooching around town I obviously couldn't resist a bit of New Look, I finally got my Jeffrey Campbell dupes I've wanted from there, £29.99 (very limited stock, even online). Lets face it right now it's the closest thing I'll ever get to a real pair.
So I wore those with a pair of thick tights' £2.99, and this little simple bias-cut cotton-feel dress, £17.99, in lovely dark autumnal coloured vintage-style roses. It's such a lovely little dress just to stick on when you can't find anything or you're having an "I feel fat" day, as it covers all lumps and bumps due to its bias-cut; but also it's something pretty enough that you could dress up and cinch in with a waist belt, and team with a nice cardigan. Or as I did today; I added this purple and silver knitted jumper- also from New Look. I bought this in the sale about a month ago for £7. It's an amazing rich plum colour. A bit longer at the back, with open knit along the front shoulder seams. Matches well with the dress. I LOVE this outfit right now. Simple yet pretty. :)
Moving forward to my outfit of the day! As I ended up mooching around town I obviously couldn't resist a bit of New Look, I finally got my Jeffrey Campbell dupes I've wanted from there, £29.99 (very limited stock, even online). Lets face it right now it's the closest thing I'll ever get to a real pair.
So I wore those with a pair of thick tights' £2.99, and this little simple bias-cut cotton-feel dress, £17.99, in lovely dark autumnal coloured vintage-style roses. It's such a lovely little dress just to stick on when you can't find anything or you're having an "I feel fat" day, as it covers all lumps and bumps due to its bias-cut; but also it's something pretty enough that you could dress up and cinch in with a waist belt, and team with a nice cardigan. Or as I did today; I added this purple and silver knitted jumper- also from New Look. I bought this in the sale about a month ago for £7. It's an amazing rich plum colour. A bit longer at the back, with open knit along the front shoulder seams. Matches well with the dress. I LOVE this outfit right now. Simple yet pretty. :)
Friday, 8 November 2013
Beauty Therapy and I GOT A JOB :/
So, I started my level 2 beauty evening course this week. Needless to say I'm loving it. My Anxiety played up a little the day before and on the day but thanks to the lovely peeps on a facebook support group, some yoga breathing and some music, panic attacks were avoided.
I'm currently studying Wednesday and Thursday nights 6-9. We've already been practicing facials, thats the point at which all the blokes I know laugh! All the women on the course seem lovely, a couple are a bit shy and quiet, I thought I'd be like that but turns out I actually feel quite confident there as its a small group ans our teacher is really nice. Very practical orientated too, as I find it easier to learn things visually anyway.
Turns out I'm a natural. Didn't need too much pushing to just go for it and I'm really proud of myself.
My only real big gripe is with the college itself as I need a bursary for my uniform and kit. My course started on the 6th, apparently applications for bursarys closec on the 1st... so I was apparently somehow supposed to apply for it without knowing what I was actually applying for! Uuugh. So now I have to go back in next week once the admin lady has spoken to her manager to see what she can do. Only problem is I kinda need it within the next week or so and I start my trial at my job next week...
Oh yeah, did I mention I got the job at Primark! I'm not sure how my anxiety or depression will fare but I'm goingbto give it a try. Its only a temporary job anyway for Christmas, so worst comes to the worst I can always leave if I can't get on with juggling that and college yet.
Wish me luck!
XxX
I'm currently studying Wednesday and Thursday nights 6-9. We've already been practicing facials, thats the point at which all the blokes I know laugh! All the women on the course seem lovely, a couple are a bit shy and quiet, I thought I'd be like that but turns out I actually feel quite confident there as its a small group ans our teacher is really nice. Very practical orientated too, as I find it easier to learn things visually anyway.
Turns out I'm a natural. Didn't need too much pushing to just go for it and I'm really proud of myself.
My only real big gripe is with the college itself as I need a bursary for my uniform and kit. My course started on the 6th, apparently applications for bursarys closec on the 1st... so I was apparently somehow supposed to apply for it without knowing what I was actually applying for! Uuugh. So now I have to go back in next week once the admin lady has spoken to her manager to see what she can do. Only problem is I kinda need it within the next week or so and I start my trial at my job next week...
Oh yeah, did I mention I got the job at Primark! I'm not sure how my anxiety or depression will fare but I'm goingbto give it a try. Its only a temporary job anyway for Christmas, so worst comes to the worst I can always leave if I can't get on with juggling that and college yet.
Wish me luck!
XxX
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